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( About violentdesire )

Couple entries back I posted pics of the box of stuff my friends and I ordered from Innisfree and Skinfood. Here's the review after a month or two of using these products :D (Was going to do Part II of my Vancouver trip since I just finished retouching the day 2 photos LOL. Instead, I decided to do this one instead since it's been a long time since I mentioned that I bought these).
I've been using this with the Anti-Spot Essence. I really like it. The only problem is that it's so tiny (well, it is essence haha). I put it on top of my acne scars or acne to make it less red. The spot right under my lips was actually really dark and after I used this consistently it really did go lighter. I also have a persistent spot on my cheek before because of acne scars and it helped it go away. I likey -wiggles brows-. My friend, Connie, tried Skinfood's Tomato Spot Essence that's supposed to do the same thing, but it didn't really work for her. I recommended this for her so next haul she'll try that out probably. If she does I'll tell you how it goes. It has a nice light scent. I'm not quite sure what it is, but it's quite pleasant.
ZOMGGG!!! I LOVEEEEE this product. LOVE LOVE LOVE!! All the people that I've recommended this to, have also fallen in love. Seriously, my haul from Skinfood/Innisfree this time around was quite costly even if I ordered a little less because I ordered essences this time around. This is definitely one to invest in though. I have a bad case of allergies. A little dust can make my nose go crazy which means my nose area is usually super dry because I keep having to use kleenex. When I use this at night it helps get rid of those pesky flakes I receive. The scent is love too ^^

To be honest I haven't really been following up on it as much as I should've to see results. I think it might done a little been of cleaning for my pores but I'm not quite sure. Once you start rubbing it, you do start feeling the warmth which I didn't feel in Skinfood's Black Sesame Hot Mask. I didn't feel or smell any mint to it though. At least I don't think I did.. haha been a while since I picked it up to use. Doesn't really matter though as long as it's not a bad scent and it works right? I'll do another review on this once I actually use it more.

I know.. pretty much everything I've bought is from Innisfree. I have to say though, I've fallen in love with the Innisfree brand more so than Skinfood. I love Skinfood and Innisfree but Innisfree products just seems to work for me. I actually really like using this. Even my mom who got a pimple during our trip in Vancouver said this product shows improvement in one night compared to some which needs a couple days to calm down pimples. As I've said before, I enjoy using this with the Whitening Spot Essence. So anyone that gets pimples should definitely try these two things together and see how it goes. I don't really use things for too long before switching to another product to see how it is. I've been using this consecutively though.

The only problem is the pump. I curse pumps that doesn't go smoothly. Whenever I squirt this, a big-ish glob comes out. This tube is already small, but it probably only contains like 1 1/2 inch of product, more or less. I don't need it to squirt out globs and make me waste it =_=. I feel obligated to use it once it comes out, especially since it's a product for pimples so it seems gross to open the lid to put the excess back into the bottle.

It looks like a see-through gel with the smell of tea tree (as the product says). It goes on like water on the skin. I like that.. it feels like it's soaking in faster. I hate products that just lie on the face =_=.

You can't really see it in the photo but the last couple cm is a darker blue. When it settles, you can see the two layers, like most eye makeup removers. Surprisingly, this stays mixed for a long time. Usually once you shake a bottle of remover it quickly tries to settle into two layers again. I don't think it removes as well as some of the North American drugstore brands though. My KATE eyeliner and Majolica Majorca mascara take a while to get off, but it takes even longer with this one. However, I like how gentle this is though. It also doesn't leave a big oily mess on the eyes as some do. I didn't smell any milky smell from it, I think Leen thought it smelled clean.. LOL That's how Leen defines if she likes it or not XD I wouldn't really purchase this, but if you want to try a gentle one that doesn't leave an oily streak on your face, this is alright. Eileen said she likes it.
I remember surfing through this site and wanting to try out their primers. I don't think the site shows the blueish tint of the mineral one. There's, I think, 3 different ones in this style: Original, Matte, and Mineral. The thing about my skin is that it's dehydrated, but it oils up easily, so I have a hard time finding products for my face. Products for an oily face has no moisturizing properties, really. Products for dry faces are way too oily. I decided to go with mineral to see how it goes since Matte products usually bring out my dry skin. I was kind of surprised because once I put this primer on, it matted my face completely. It's a creamy texture, but as soon as you spread it on, any hint of gleam on the face is gone.

I definitely prefer this one over the GOSH one I first bought. The Lancome one I asked for on my wishlist failed me (my makeup disappeared so quickly) so I really needed a backup one. I'm glad I came upon this product :O I want to actually buy the matte and original one to try out and see how they differ. There is a nice, light scent from it. I love nice smelling products that aren't overpowering :D!!

.... This is still in my room sealed up HAHA. I have toooo many masks. I don't even know why I bought this. Leen said it was really good so I bought it. This and the Tomato Whitening Emulsion helped her whiten her skin. Give a review when I actually try it out XD

Bought some for Alan and I. The White/blue ones are the ones that has lead come out if you shake it. It looks nice and sleek so I bought it hahaha. I love metal mechanical pencils. For some reason, the lead feels really smooth when I write with a metal one. That happen for anyone else? It writes a lot smoother than the white one (Blue one is Alan's. White one's mine.). The only thing I don't like about the metal one is that this one has a metal grip.... hurts like a betch after long usage. And yeah.. I use thicker lead because we're beasts and thin lead snaps like crazy >_> -shifty eyes-

I'm actually a little disappointed. At first I thought these earbuds were so cool (I didn't take a pic to show this but) they are actually slanted to one side. The left one above kind of shows it. These almost died on me during my trip in Vancouver. The white casing that covers the wires came undone. I had to push it back in and twist to put it back. That really pisses me off. It's only been like a month!! What's worse is that while on a trip in Vancouver in the night market, I saw these for $8!!! I bought these for nearly $22 I think. I don't know if mine were just crappy  but I bought  a different  design at the night market to check it out since it was only $8. The $8 ones that at our stores are fugly LOL. If the 2nd pair doesn't crap out on me I'll definitely ask my uncle to hook me up with another pair another time >_>... or Connie.. LOL -stares at her-.

... I honestly don't even remember which ones I've used LOL. I gave some to my grandma and mom too x_X. My mom used the apple one and she said it made her skin feel smoother. These masks are actually a bit smaller than the Skinfood ones - which fit my face a lot better. I didn't have a bunch of excess material to splat onto my face. I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing but these masks are crazy loaded with liquid~!!! It's a good thing I use it before sleeping while lying on the bed because when I put it on, it drips down the neck like crazy and I hate the sticky feeling on my neck X_X!!! After you use it you could probably save the packet and use a cotton pad to apply this onto your face the next day too! Skinfood is also kind of like that but I think this is like 2x what Skinfood has in each packet... liquid-wise o.o These are cheaper than the Skinfood ones too so definitely give it a try if you love sheet masks.

Mannnnn after I saw these the first I was like "WANNNNTTTT." And I got them :D. The last two come in one pack. When I got them the flattened package was pretty big LOL. I was like WTFF.  I heart theseee... even if my mom said it was a waste of money for 'cardboard boxes' LOL >_> Here they are in use:They still weren't enough to hold all my products LOL. I have an extra box to hold the rest (not shown in pics). I was actually struggling to put them together at the start and I waited till Alan got home from school to help me out - thinking that guys would be more adept at this stuff. I was wrong HAHA. He was like RAWRRR THIS IS SO STUPID!! -leaves to go out-. I finally figured it out after.. after you figure the first one out, it actually gets much easier. I had to help Connie put hers together too since we both got the cherry patterned one. I didn't take a pic of it but the Cherry one actually included a little bonus pencil holder too. They didn't show it on the page, so it was a total surprise :D <3!

- jiawen

Drafted: May 29, 2010. Published: July 03, 2010


Note: Part II of my entry on religion. Again if you're going to be offended about what I have to say about my inner thoughts on religion I suggest you move along :D

As I learned more terms, I started to name myself an Atheist. I was tired of religion. I was tired of people throwing their religion at me. Mormons down the street would come often. They came and knocked on our door early in the morning when we're all asleep (okay, to be fair, my family aren't early birds) and preached the bible to us. You don't understand English? Don't worry about it, they'll come prepared (if they haven't already) with books talking about passages of the bibles in your language, no sweat. They are missionaries out to get you. Great.. as if they haven't done enough of that in foreign countries for hundreds of years already. I get it. God is great, the bible is great, everything is great.

Not only were the people starting to annoy me, the actual celebration started to annoy me too. Every celebration I grew more weary of the fact that we were going to sit there listening to the Father blab on about the bible. I felt like the Fathers needed to go experience life a little more or something. Their stories were the same every year. "I met a boy named ____ he taught me a very good lesson." Yeah, I know. It's like when people talk about how their parents/grandparents reminisce about their past. "Back when I was you age..." Uh huh? I guess I should appreciate when that Father came and told stories during celebration though. One of them reminded me of the videos I mentioned in the last entry. The monotone voice and all.

I'm not saying I totally ditched religion at that point. I'm not sure if I ever really gave up the belief. But by grade 11 I referred to myself as an Agnostic. There are many reasons for this. But one of the things that really made me riled up was what my religion teacher had said that year. "What are Agnostics? They're people that can't make up their mind. They don't want to commit to anything." That's not a very correct way to explain it. At least, I felt like it didn't apply to me. His explanation sounded more like nihilism. So what exactly does being an Agnostic mean to me exactly? For me, commitment wasn't the issue. I believe something might be out there but I can't be sure what that something is, exactly.Just because I'm not jumping head first into a religion doesn't mean I closed the door on it. What if I said I'm committed in believing that "something" is out there. How do I 'make up my mind' on something that I don't know about? Why am I forced to just close my eyes and pick a random one just so I'm committed?

It's like calling a virgin who has never dated, not committed. Only someone who's happily married is committed. Can people who are married not cheat? Are they still referred to as committed? Do you see my point? Am I lower than my religion teacher, at least in his mind, just because I'm not labeled under a certain religion? Do I need to stick one on and suddenly I'm committed? I can declare myself Christian, yet never attend church, swear, and commit all sorts of sins.. yet will be deemed committed. Ridiculous.

And I mentioned earlier that lots of people got baptized young. There's a problem with that. All that was agreed upon during the ceremony is that the parents agreed to bring the children up in a Catholic/Christian setting. I didn't get accepted into the school because I was not baptized. At that point, I could say I was a way more committed Christian than some of the students that were baptized. Okay, so I may not go to church.. but I had placed my faith in God. I prayed and thanked him daily. I made a conscious effort. That isn't enough in religious communities. It's like saying 'You can pretend all you want, but you'll never be a part of us unless you have solid proof." However, belief isn't solid in the first place. My belief isn't a piece of paper stating so. But it is.. at least in our society, I feel it is.

It's weird because even the people in high positions, in the religion sense, have not shown us a good example of how much better it is to place their faith in God. They have a weird way of spreading God's words. I'm sure a lot of people have read the news about how the current pope's brother isn't exactly free of scandals regarding the German boys' choir. So.. what does this show us about being committed to a religion?

Religion is a very interesting thing. People put blind faith in it and hope for the best. But humans are very selfish and foolish beings. There aren't many people who pray wholeheartedly. Yet by doing so, they hope to receive something from God. Like karma, some believe if they pray enough it makes up for things and God will send some goodness their way. I hate that. I can't say I haven't done that, but what I'm saying is that it makes me realize what we're doing and makes me kind of disappointed in everyone. Instead of pushing ourselves off the ground and pushing forward we pray and hope some sort of miracle happens or somehow God granted a wish. I know not everyone is like this.. I also know that not every prayer sent God's way is to beg for something. You can't deny it isn't true either - that this doesn't happen.

Sometimes that blind faith pays off. I won't deny that religion has helped many people though. It has gotten some people out of bad times or critical times. But what if someone prayed for God to help them.. say.. out of a huge debt. Would they just owe it all to God? Why can't they give themselves a pat on the back and say 'I worked hard to get out of that!"? Why do we have to our life's fate, our achievements, or tribulations, into the hands of someone else? My friend had asked me if I prayed. I used to. I don't anymore. These are some of the reasons why I do not. I'm going through trouble in my life but I do not want to pray and hope God will guide me through. I'm happy it helps her and soothes her. But I feel the opposite. I cannot expect to not be committed to being a Christian and yet ask things of God. I feel like it's almost offensive. And also if something good happens do I thank God for it? Why should I give him the credit of something good happening? My friend didn't randomly bake cookies and gifted some to me just because God planted that in her head, right?

My friend had gifted me with the book "Soul Cravings: The Prequel". I haven't finished but what the author talks about so far seems fascinating. He talked about how people believes God has unconditional love for us yet we all believe we have to work for it. That's not called unconditional love. And it's true, right? If we were really loved unconditionally by God why does he punish us like this and people feel like they have to earn back his love? And this brings in a whole other thing I want to talk about.

Everything seems hypocritical. God created Adam and Eve and they lived in Eden. In Eden there was the tree which they were forbidden to eat from. Why did God put it there? Why did he put a tree there that they could not eat from? To taunt them? To test them? But why? So Eve ate it and got Adam to eat it too. It seems mighty sexist. Why did the woman have to eat it first and then persuade Adam to eat it too? We were created from Adam's rib.. we were the ones who helped with the original sin.. great.

We committed the original sin and we had to pay for it. We suddenly started wearing clothes because we were ashamed and we also had to do agriculture. Weird thing is.. how long ago was that? God is forgiving, everyone says. Hell, people think that as long as a murderer repents, they will be saved. Why is it that we are never forgiven for the original sin? It's like someone holding this lifelong grudge against you - holding a grudge against something you haven't even committed, but for what Adam and Eve did! You know how people think it's ridiculous how some families have this ongoing feud for generations? This is pretty much like that. Why does God make us suffer our whole life before we can finally be in paradise? Why do people that commit suicide have to suffer? God put us in this situation in the first place, right? He let us suffer and in turn, some people can't hold onto this thing we call life anymore sometimes.

Somehow, I cannot believe that the Bible hasn't been tampered with. I cannot bring myself to think that what's in the bible is exactly what God said or what he wanted us to do. It's like how the people who won the war, wrote history. The view is skewed and things aren't written from a neutral point of view. I feel like the Bible is used to keep people in line and tries to answer most of the questions that people might have about it, but it still has its shortcomings. Of course, whoever wrote it can't possibly think of every question a person might have about God or the religion and therefore have to stretch some general things to apply to a person's question or thoughts.

The Bible, like any book, gets its words deciphered differently by different people. And that is one of the major problems about religion. For example, back then, there were many crusades - wars started in the name of  God. Is that right? Well, it was to them. It's that way of thinking where it doesn't matter what happens along the way as long as the end result is good then whatever was lost along the way is made up for. No, it isn't. Family members were lost, for what? For someone to say they won and have the right for their religion to rule since historically, religion and politics were one. How would you feel if I threw your family members into Iraq right now and they died because I thought our religion was the right one? (Yeah, I know the Iraq War was because of the weapons of mass destruction, but I'm just saying if I threw your family members into a crusade because I thought I was right, you would probably want to kill me for it, right? Not rejoice because you also have the same religion.)

Now our image of God has changed. Back then he was the all powerful God you fear. Now he's this compassionate fellow that will give you a slap on the bum if you did something bad.. but in the end he's like any ol' loving Father? That's crazy. This is just another example of how views about God and religion changes. Why does God not stop it? Why does he let people also die to fight for Christianity? Or kill others because they are not believers?!

I've grown up a lot since my first encounter with religion. And as I grow older and go through many obstacles in life, I realized I cannot bring myself to fully believe in the God that Christians believe in. It kills me to think that there is some God up there watching us all go through so much pain and think it's okay. All this just because of some damn fruit?! It seems wrong. If he hadn't want them to eat the fruit he shouldn't have put it there, right? Why did he leave a serpent to tempt Eve? When you have to witness so much crap in your life or someone close to you or hold dear to you, you wonder why God can't give you a hand. That's when that thread of blind faith gets snipped. When someone is so close to suicide why doesn't he help them? I guess it all plays into free will. Another excuse that it's all our fault.

And I found this:

Which pretty much sums it up for me too.

I don't really judge people that follow a religion. I know plenty of people with different beliefs but I've never thought any less or more of them depending on what they believe in. All it is, is that it boggles my mind that some people can let it affect them so much that it starts constricting them and then they start to push it onto others.

-jiawen